Building Strong Relationships with Your Engineering Manager (From a Developer’s Perspective)

There’s still too little discussion about how to effectively work with your Engineering Manager,how to communicate clearly, manage expectations, and stay aligned. Most articles approach this from the manager’s point of view. But what if you’re a mid-level or junior developer? What can you do?

Why does it matter? Because in every company(big or small)your performance review, feedback, promotion chances, and even salary adjustments depend on how well your manager understands your work and sees your impact. Your manager is often the person who speaks for you when you're not in the room.

That’s why the relationship between you and your manager matters so much. If there’s no trust, no clear communication, or no visibility into your work, it’s easy to be overlooked,even if you’re doing great work. A strong relationship helps you grow, stay aligned, and get the support you need to move forward in your career.

This blog is here to help. We don’t live in an ideal world, some managers are overloaded, some don’t actively mentor, and others are just doing their best. So what should you do to stay visible and grow?

1. Use One-on-One Meetings Effectively

One-on-ones are your most important tool as an individual contributor. Use them to:

• Discuss your OKRs and KPIs
• Share recent achievements or challenges
• Ask for feedback on your work
• Understand how your performance is being tracked

The goal is to stay aligned with your manager on expectations, priorities, and growth.

Example questions to ask:

1. “This month, I worked on X and it led to Y. What do you think?”
2. “I struggled with this problem. How should I communicate that to the team?”
3. “Product keeps labeling everything as P0. How do you suggest I deal with that?”
4. “This feature just shipped, can you give me feedback on it?”
5. “For the Q1 review, what can I do to make my performance stand out?”

2. Work Together (When Possible)

It’s hard for a manager to understand your daily work if you’re on different projects. Without shared context, they rely only on your updates, which isn’t always enough.

If possible, ask to work on the same project or find shared responsibilities. If that’s not an option, find other ways to stay visible.

The goal is to make your work visible outside of one-on-one meetings.

What you can do:

• Write a monthly summary of your work and share it in a document or Slack
• Track your sprint points or completed tasks, and organize them into a shareable list
• Bring key highlights from that list into your 1-on-1s

3. Collect Evidence of Your Work

Keep a personal log of:

• What you’ve worked on
• The results and impact of that work
• Any blockers or challenges you helped resolve

Don’t assume your manager remembers everything. It’s your responsibility to tell the story of your contribution, and this record will also help when updating your résumé or applying for future jobs.

The goal is to ensure your work is documented, visible, and ready to showcase.

How to track it:

• Use a personal doc or Notion to track weekly wins and challenges
• Save 1-on-1 notes with your questions and your manager’s responses
• Write out “impact stories” like you would for a CV: “Built X to reduce Y, resulting in Z”

4. Communicate Proactively and Transparently

Many managers wear multiple hats, they might still be coding, handling meetings, and managing people all at once. Some didn’t even want to become managers; they were promoted into the role. That’s why it’s on you to communicate clearly.

Don’t wait until things go wrong. Be proactive about:

• Sharing progress and blockers
• Asking for advice or feedback
• Communicating how you feel about your work or direction

Example: If your timeline is slipping, don’t stay silent. Let your manager know what’s happening and why. Transparency builds trust.

5. Understand Their Goals and Pressures

Managers have goals just like you do, maybe they want a promotion, a raise, or just less chaos. But here’s the tough question:

Is helping you grow part of their job? In some teams, mentoring and promoting others isn’t even tracked or rewarded. If that’s the case, they might not invest time in your development.

That’s why you need to understand your manager’s incentives—and whether they align with your goals.

The goal is to build empathy and clarity, and to decide if your current environment supports your growth.

Helpful questions to ask:

• “What does success look like for you as an EM?”
• “Have you helped promote someone on this team before? How did that process work?”

It gives you a better view of what your manager deals with day to day—what they’re responsible for and what they care about

6. Be Realistic: Adapt When Your Manager Isn’t Ideal

Sometimes your manager won’t give feedback. Sometimes they’re too busy. Sometimes they just manage people—they don’t mentor or coach.

That’s the reality for many of us.

In that case, don’t wait. Be adaptive. Build your own systems. Stay professional, but focus on what you can control.

• Track your own growth and progress
• Make your impact clear
• Don’t rely on one person to define your worth

The goal: Focus on your own growth and build a clear track record of your work. This helps you polish your CV—so when the time comes, you can confidently switch teams or move to a new company. It’s always smart to be prepared for what’s next.

7. Build Your Own Support System

If your manager can’t help you grow, find support elsewhere. Look to mentors in your company, online communities, or peers. Surround yourself with people who are willing to give advice, share knowledge, and help you improve.

And if growth really isn’t possible in your current role—aim for impact, then plan your next move.

You’re not stuck. Just because you’re not promoted now doesn’t mean you won’t be promoted somewhere else.

🎯 Final Thought: You’re Not Alone

I wrote this blog because too many developers face this problem in silence. Not every manager is ideal. But we can still do good work, grow, and get noticed—by being clear, proactive, and intentional.

If your current environment doesn’t support you, learn what you can, make your impact visible, and prepare for your next opportunity.

“If your manager can’t help you grow, find a mentor in the community. Work hard. Make an impact. And if you don’t get promoted here, prepare to level up somewhere else.”